K'un: The Receptive.

I think I have been afraid to write out my feelings on my anger. Anger is fear I know intellectually. Fear is the Mindkiller I know as the Bene Gesserit have taught me. I fear for lack of control, well at the beginning of  my exodus I pulled K'un: the receptive from the oracle, advising me I was the acted upon and not the actor, but of course, Mr Big Dick Alpha Magician finds that to be a hard pill to swallow.  Now, almost 8 weeks into the exodus, I do not feel so alpha magician, as over the course of the time I obsessed over the Oracle, until it told me outright to back off, now, it gives me K'un the receptive and I listen, I become clay, Goddess, I am so scared. Lalita Mata-Ji aways chides me for being so dark, and I want to tell her, that I am reaching for the light, mother, I am, I want to dance with Lalita, but I also have to dance with Kali. I am going to try to write in here daily. I am going to try to be receptive to the changes life will bring. I am listening. I am being introspective about how I could have acted differently, but I am trying not to be self pitying or depressed, I am trying to mantain equanamity, seeing the struggle in other people, forgiving them, and hopefully forgiving myself one day.